“I didn’t want you to make a big deal out of it.” I said. “It’s your first date, of course we’re going to make a big deal out of it,” Nancy said. “I think we’re going to have to have the sex talk,” my dad said. I put my head down in embarrassment as I asked, “Didn’t we do this when I was 12?” “Yes,” my dad said, “But this is the real sex talk. And for that we have a video.” My dad then got up from the couch and walked back to the cabinet to grab it. As he did that I began to think how videos and filmstrips were my dad’s way of avoiding to talk to us kids about any of the serious issues. When I was younger he showed us film after film about not talking to strangers. When I was ten he showed us videos on the dangers of drugs. When I was 12 he showed me videos on sex-ed and our changing bodies. If we had questions we had to write them down on a piece of paper and he’d get back to us with the answers. I found it weird that he could talk to complete strangers about their issues, but when. Both Sue and I felt this was the right way of doing things. We felt like quasi-parents to her in some ways, and felt we were better equipped to deal with the shit that life throws at you. We both wanted to make sure we’d got Grace back on an even keel before starting on the inevitable conversations we needed to have about where this left Sue and I as a couple.As I sat contemplating the need for a refill, I looked out at the calm of the waters and envied the lake’s tranquility. What I’d have given at that moment for even a tenth of that calm in the steaming cauldron my life had become.I’ve never been good at putting myself first. The downside of a Christian upbringing, where ‘love others as you love yourself’ had been mistranslated as ‘love others more than you love yourself.’ So, after spending a weekend thinking about Grace’s needs, I took this precious time to start thinking through ‘Peter Jones, what do you want going forward?’I wasn’t so stupid as to think that I’d necessarily.
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